Lucifer’s Lexicon

ABORTION, n. A preemptive strike against a potential future terrorist.

BOHEMIAN GROVE, n. The place where the rich and powerful gather to worship Moloch, an owl-god, according to Alex Jones, who apparently worships some sort of bull-god.

DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE, THE, n. The United States’ declaration of its independence from Great Britain. This lexicographer is awaiting, but not holding his breath while doing so, the United States’ declaration of its independence from Israel.

HOOVER, J. EDGAR, n. A vacuum cleaner that sucked up lots of dirt.

LEVITY, n. The force that opposes gravity and makes levitation possible.

LIBERTARIAN PARTY, n. The Doctor Pepper of American politics.

MILITANT, n. One who it is kosher for Israel to kill. Beyond that, this lexicographer doesn’t know what this word means.

POET, n. One who is penny foolish but Pound wise. One who knows a word’s worth.

PRESENT DANGER, THE, n. The present pretext for American militarism and imperialism.

PROLIFER, n. One who believes all human life is sacred and who, therefore, is very happy that Josef Stalin was not aborted.

REEFER MADNESS,n. The insanity invariably inspired by smoking the devil’s weed, marijuana. It leads to loud music, illicit sex, and homicide. Yes, smoking marijuana always leads to homicide, preferably of some narc.

TWO-PARTY SYSTEM, n. A political system that is more fun than a one-party system, but not as much fun as a three-party, or four-party, or five-party system.

WELTSCHMERZ, n. Germanic depression.

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