Lucifer’s Lexicon

ACID HEAD, n. One who trips the light fantastic.

CONSPIRACY, n. Piracy on the secret sea.

CONSPIRACY THEORY, n. A way for non-Marxists to wage class warfare against the rich and powerful.

CSICOP, n. A skeptic tank.

DOGWOOD, n. A tree whose bark is worse than its bite.

DRUG CZAR, n. A despot-head.

FULL MOON, n. The moon when it is visible as a fully illumnated disk. The night of a full moon is the time when werewolves and weredoes prowl.

GONZO JOURNALIST, n. An amuckraker.

GREENSPAN, n. Formerly, the width of a handful of Federal Reserve Notes.

HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES, n. A house that is usually divided against itself and yet still stands.

IDIOT, n. Anyone who disagrees with an asshole.

MOON, SUN MYUNG, n. A Moon that is always full.

NEWSWORTHY, n. Worthy of news coverage, such as, for instance, a meeting of rich and powerful people, including bankers, industrialists, media people, diplomats and politicians,which is why the mainstream media always make a point of covering the annual meetings of the Bilderbergers.

PATRIOT, n. In the post-9/11 United States, one who wears an American-flag pin to show his love for Israel.

SACRED, adj. Profane but pretentious.

SMART BOMB, n. A weapon with an IQ higher than that of the patriots who reflexively applaud its use.

SOUTHERN BAPTIST, n. A Baptist who is even stupider than other Baptists.

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