Lucifer’s Lexicon

AMBULANCE CHASER, n. A shyster who isn’t shy.

AMERICAN INTERESTS, n. 1. Corporate interests. 2. Israeli interests.

BASKET CASE, n. A soldier who has said a farewell to arms–and legs.

BELIEVER, n. An opinion addict.

CATECHISM, n. Dogmatism.

CENSORSHIP, n. Vee haff vays uff making you shut up.

CIA, n. The Conspiratorial Intervention Agency.

COMMON SENSE, n. The faculty that enables one to see the obvious truth, such as that the earth is the center of the universe around which all else revolves.

HERETIC, n. One who disagrees with a fanatic.

HERESY, n. An underdogma.

ISRAEL, n. The United States’ best ally in the Middle East, which is why, whenever the US gets into a war in the Middle East, Israeli troops are right there fighting along with American troops against our common foes.

MALPRACTICE SUIT, n. Shyster vs. Sawbones.

NEW WORLD ORDER, n. A new and improved world order.

PEACE WITH HONOR, n. Defeat with deceit.

RENDEZVOUS WITH DESTINY, n. A tete-a-tete with TNT.

THANKSGIVING DAY, n. A day when Americans give thanks that they are not turkeys, even though many of them actually are.

WAR, n. Apparently a very bad thing, since every warmonger abhors it.


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