Lucifer’s Lexicon

ABOMINATION, n. An action that puts God’s nose righteously out of joint, such as men having sex with men or anyone eating shrimp.

ABSOLUTE , adj. Obsolete.

Amenable, adj. Willing to say, “Amen.”

AMERICA, n. Columbia, the Purloined Gem of the Ocean.

ARMS CONTROL, n. People control. I’m sure the folks at the John Birch Society will agree that when Weapons of Mass Destruction are outlawed only outlaws will have Weapons of Mass Destruction.

BLACK ATLANTIS, n. The title of this lexicographer’s book proving that Atlantis was the first civilization and that it was a Black civilization.

CREATIONIST, n. One who knows that humans are not animals, which is why humans don’t eat, drink, defecate, urinate or copulate.

CULT, n. A religion that is disapproved of, especially if it is smaller and less powerful than other religions. Past and present cults include Jews for Jesus, Christians for Krishna, Quakers for Quetzalcoatl, Zoroastrians for Zeus, Sciencefictionology, the Dead People’s Temple, the Latter-Day Sinners, etc.

GOD, n. A word which will be erased from the lexicon of life when our Luciferian Conpiracy has achieved complete control. Nyah hah hah! Nyah hah hah hah hah!

INVESTOR, n. One who gambles on Wall Street rather than in Atlantic City or Las Vegas.

MAN, n. In traditional Catholicism, a sack of shit made in the image of God.

MARKET MYSTIC, n. One who believes in the magic of the market.

MENOMINEE, n. An American Indian tribe consisting of all those who have been nominated for an Academy Award. Members of the tribe can sometimes be heard to say, “Me nominee.”

PURITAN, n. One who believes that even sex in the shower is filthy.

WATERBOARDING, n. An extreme sport that many Muslims have participated in in recent years.

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