Lucifer’s Lexicon

APOSTLE, n. A fisher of men who uses the worm of immortality as bait.

ARMAGEDDON THEOLOGY, n. This is the way the world ends, not with a whimper, but with a Bible bang. Blessed are the warmongers for they shall be blown to Kingdom Come.

BLACK SHEEP, n. One who has a b-a-a-a-d attitude.

CONSPIRACY THEORIST, n. One who is devoted to giving conspiracy theory a bad name.

FUNDAMENTALIST, n. One who takes the Bible literally, except when he doesn’t.

HERITAGE, n. An inheritance, such as Christianity or hemophilia.

INEVITABLE, adj. Unavoidable, unless you do what I tell you to do to avoid it.

JESUS, n. The imaginary friend of over a billion chldren of all ages.

MONEY, n. The measure of all things.

RAPTURE, THE, n. Beam me up, Goddy.

ROYALTY, n. A share paid to a writer of the proceeds from the sale of his or her work: so-called because it invariably enables him or her to live like royalty, such as an Ellery Queen or a Stephen King.

SALIVATION, n. A prerequisite for salvation.

SELF-EMPLOYED, adj. Self-exploited.

TRUTH, n. Apparently a very good thing, since every liar and every raving, dogmatic fanatic loves it above all else.

WE THE PEOPLE, n.pl. What do you mean “We,” White man?

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