Lucifer’s Lexicon

AMERICAN POWER, n. An exception to Lord Acton’s dictum that power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Why is it an exception? Don’t ask me. Ask the exponents of the doctrine of American Exceptionalism. I’m sure they’ll have an exceptionally excellent answer.

ATHEIST,n. A Biblebanger-basher.

CORPORATE CAPITALISM , n. Collectivist capitalism.

GARLIC, n. An onionlike plant used to purify one’s blood and to prevent one’s purified blood from being drunk by vampires.

INCEST SURVIVOR, n. One of the rare few victims of incest who has lived to tell the tale to Oprah.

INNOCENT VICTIM, n. The best kind of victim, for propaganda purposes. After all, who would care about a guilty victim?

MUFFLER, n. A device that reduces the noise of an internal-combustion engine, but not nearly enough.

ROGUE STATE, n. A state that commits the offense of impersonating the policeman of the

SCALPER, n. A barbarous barber who takes much too much off the top.

SCHOLERA, n. An acute, infectious, academic disease characterized primarily by serious intestinal-fortitude disorders.

UNBELIEVER, n. One who might believe all sorts of things, but just not the same exact things that you believe.

(The above definitions were not included in “Lucifer’s Lexicon,” the book published by Loompanics Unlimited in 1987, but they could be included in a sequel to or new edition of that book.)

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