Lucifer’s Lexicon

ACID, n. LSD. A Hasidic rabbi once took LSD in an experiment. He reported that the experience was “truly religious but not Jewish enough.” Presumably, therefore, he did not become an Acidic rabbi.

AMERICA, n. The greatest country on earth. In fact, it’s the greatest country on any planet, in any solar system, in any galaxy, in any universe, in any dimension! USA! USA! USA!

ANARCHIST, n. One who realizes that the ship of state is a pirate ship.

ATHEIST, n. One who believes that Deicide is a victimless crime.

BREATHARIAN, n. One who claims to be a luftmensch. One who claims that man can live by breath alone.

CALLOUS, n. What you can develop by doing callousthenics.

ESPERANTO, n. An aspiring international language in which at least three or four people are now fluent.

HOPHEAD, n. A narcotics addict, especially an opium addict. This name makes no sense, since it is beer, not narcotics, that is made with hops.

HORAH, n. An Israeli folk dance. I wonder: Were the five dancing Israelis who were arrested on 9/11 dancing the horah? And is it illegal to dance the horah in New Jersey? Is that why they were arrested?

TELEPATHY, n. A means of communication cheaper to use than a telephone, but possibly not quite as reliable.

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